The Mystery of Childbirth

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I
born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to
us."

"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.

"Oh, the stork brought us too."

"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting
to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with
confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there
hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

The Magic Lamp

One day a man stumbled upon a dusty lamp. He picked it up, gave it a rub and out came a Magic Genie.

The Genie says to the man, "I will grant you any 3 wishes good Sir. But remember this, whatever you wish for, I will give DOUBLE to every lawyer in this World!"

The man answers back saying, "Hmmm. Okay...that's fine by me, just as long as I get what I wish for."

The Genie then proceeds to ask the man, "What is your first wish?"

The man says, "I wish for a Million Dollars."

The Genie replies, "Every lawyer in the World will receive 2 Million Dollars..."

The man responds, "That is fine by me."

The Genie fulfills the request, "Done! Your second wish?"

The man proceeds, "Ummm, I'd like to have a Super Model as my woman."

The Genie again warns, "Every lawyer in the World will have 2 Super Models."

The man's response, "No problem."

The Genie once again fulfills the man's wishes, "Done! For your third and final wish?"

The man thinks for a moment and replies, "Hmmm...I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

A Shepherd

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
is, will you give me back my animal?"

"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".